White House to Issue Own Katrina Report

WASHINGTON - The White House has announced it will issue it's own assessment of the government's response to the Hurricane in which they conclude that the storm was not as bad as first reported and that many of the people of the Gulf Coast region were being unreasonable in their criticisms of President Bush.

The 25,000 page document goes into great detail of the President's crises management ability and concludes that he acted with speed and precision when confronted with the prospects that Katrina would hit land as a category 5 hurricane.

"We had to break up the President's pizza party with local oil executives who were in Crawford to discuss the administration's energy policy", noted Homeland Security Secretary Jerkoff. "He also had a very important meeting with the local chapter of VFW and we weren't sure how he'd balance all his obligations. The President was a calming influence in what was otherwise total chaos."

When it became apparent that New Orleans would be ground zero for the largest hurricane in our nation's history, the President noted that FEMA should be armend with fresh water and canned goods.

"Hey, Brownie, In a couple of days, when things settle down, make sure those kind folks down there get plenty of water. some wolf brand chili would also be nice. when's the last time you had wolf brand chili? well that's been too long now hadn't it? he he he....."